It's been a long time, been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time

Sorry--I'm going to try to do a better job of managing my blog. Not that I have anything of consequence to say or that anyone is reading it. I'm mostly using it to manage the blogs that I enjoy reading as opposed to my own.

Now for something completely different....

I have been intrigued as of late by the Gosselin (Jon & Kate + 8) controversy/fanatacism. I was part of it myself, once. I loved JK+8, couldn't get enough of it. Thought Jon and Kate were the greatest people, couldn't imagine having to walk a mile in their shoes. Then certain things started to rub me the wrong way. I knew from the beginning that Kate wasn't someone I would like in real life, but I pushed that to the back of my head, or rationalized it, saying, "But she's under so much stress. I'd be hard to deal with too!" But as the show dragged on, I found less and less to like about either of the parents, and I find myself sad for the children, who don't even know what life is like without production lighting, cameras in their face, or even what it means to stand in line or pay for things. I worry about the rude awakening the children are going to face when the cameras go away for good (and they will, this is not the Simpsons, one day the show has to end). And I have no way of knowing if Jon & Kate prepare their children for life outside of the show, but I don't feel like they do. I don't think they have even prepared themselves for life after the show.

There has been much talk in the blogosphere about editing and giving the viewers what they want. But I have a co-worker who was a contestant on Big Brother and Big Brother All-Stars and was rather infamous during the season they were a cast member, and this co-worker tells me that they can't edit a personality that doesn't exist. Yes I know--different show, different mission, but the idea is the same. Kate has to say the things she says, do the things she does in order for it to get on camera. For example, you can't edit her disgusting response to her own behavior on the "Embarassing Moments" episode. When confronted with her appalling behavior in Toys R Us (yelling 20 yards across the store at her husband to "stop playing with toys, and help me!"), her response is not, "I can't believe how awful I acted, no wonder my kids yell and throw tantrums when they don't get what they want, they learn it from me. I'm trying really hard to change how I behave in those situations. Even though Jon doesn't always help me as much or in the way I would like, I need to change the way I react. It's not respectful to him and it sets a poor example for our children." No--that would be how an adult would behave. Instead, she responds something like this (to Jon): "I do that because you won't help me. If you would just ask me how you can help me, then I wouldn't lose my cool and have to resort to yelling. It's your fault I can't control my temper and act like a buffoon in public." That really happened, people. Not verbatim, I placed my own perceptions of how she sounded, but you get the idea.

I haven't watched the show for about a month, since the Phillies episode, which I watched more for Uncle Cholly and Shane Victorino than the Gosselins. I love my Phils! I am going to work hard tonight to not indulge my guilty pleasure to want to watch the vow renewal episode tonight. I'm kind of hoping that enough people get turned off by their behavior to drop the ratings and get the show canceled. I personally think that's the best thing for the family. Kate and Jon will likely never be the parents I think they should be, but at least the damage wouldn't be magnified by cameras broadcasting their behavior and the effect it has on their children into millions of homes. That's all. For now.

So I've decided...

I really don't like my job. It's filling the gap right now, but I have got to do something that's a little more fulfilling. And maybe garners respect. I have all the respect in the world for receptionist/secretaries, but I didn't go to college and bust my butt for this. I'd really like to get back to teaching--I get so worried that I've painted myself into a corner, career-wise. I'm very envious of my husband because he know exactly what he wants to do. I don't have a clue. I say teaching because it's where I felt I was doing the most good. I don't say that to sound kitschy and altruistic. I felt like I was doing myself some good too, exercising my brain and whatnot. And when I was in the midst, it didn't fee like work. And it was dynamic, with ups and downs, and each day a little different from the last. Not much dynamics to answering phones. It's just not fulfilling for me, and there still the $ issue. I still got 10 years of student loans to pay off. I just can't figure this town out--I'm a good catch! I've never had this kind of trouble finding a good job...

Pass the nostalgia please...

Walking out of the office today, when the coworker behind me started whistling "The Right Stuff" from New Kids on The Block. LOVED IT!!! Watched "So I Married an Axe Murderer" on Saturday with my sister and her boyfriend who had never seen it. It could easily be my favorite movie. I would like to visit "The Meadows," although I'm sure by now the Pentavirate has changed...I think this craving for nostalgia stems for my need to simplify my life. Things are EXTREMELY complicated right now. In a job interview a few months ago, an interviewer asked the dreaded, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" You know what I wanted to say? "Hopefully, a stay-at-home mom with a couple of kids, you know, if they could only survive in utero." Sorry, TMI. But I just don't know where life is taking me right now. I'm trying to be ok with that, trying to "let go and let God," but as God and all my close friends know, I have to be in control, and not knowing what's behind door number 1 tends to give me acid reflux. Again, TMI. So, forgive me if there are days when I wish I was 14 again, when my biggest worry was what boy to have a crush on, or that I had to write a report on Huck Finn, or that my mom wouldn't get off my back (justifiably) for not loading the dishwasher. Because now I have to worry about whether my new job is enough to pay the bills, whether I'm ready to start "trying" to get pregnant again, whether I'll get to see my family more than twice a year. It's all weighing very heavy right now. This was quite a rant from NKOTB, huh?

Time Warner is the Devil!!!

I believe that is self-explanatory.....more to come

As time goes by...

I can't believe I've been in SC for three months. I'm working as a temp and hoping to find a job I can like and that pays the bills. I still don't really have any friends, which is tough. My sister and her boyfriend came down for the weekend and we went to the South Carolina State Fair! (What you don't realize is that I'm singing the jingle from the fair commercial as I type, hence the exclamation point.) I'm glad my sis lives close enough to hang out with me. Otherwise I'd literally have no one other than my husband to talk to. I'm actually surprised that I'm doing as well as I am. I guess I'm not that social of a person. Oh well. What I am right now is starving, so I'm gonna cut this post short and finish my cold stone ice cream from last night. Haven't had cold stone in over a year, so I had to get one good enough to last me two days. Can anyone say Birthday Cake Remix? Soooooo good......

Home is where my salon is...

I've just been through a hair fiasco. One of the most stressful things about moving to a new place is having to replace all of the little everyday errands. For me this included finding a new hair salon. It had to be a half-decent one, since I recently became a redhead. Last week, I went to this salon in a very trendy neighborhood in my town, and got my hair dyed bright freaking orange. I knew I didn't like it as soon as I saw it, but the hairstylist kept gushing about how great it looked with my complexion. The truth was I was willing to give it a chance. And then I dealt with the look on everyone's faces when I walked into a room. The obligatory, "Wow, it's really...red!" So a few days later I called the salon back and said it wasn't working out. To their credit, they colored it again free of charge, but I had to go to a pretty dark brown to balance the orange-ness of the original color. So I'm a brunette now. Go figure. I'm not sure if I like the place or not. I was hoping for something a little fancier for the price I paid. But the stress of finding yet another salon. I think I'll just slowly go back to my natural color and just worry about cuts.

So nice to have family...

My parents are visiting from PA for the week. I just saw them a couple of weeks ago when they helped me move but this will probably be the last time I see them for a while--maybe even the holidays. This will be hard to get used to. I'm so used to seeing my family pretty much whenever I want, but now it is very different. Anyway, not this week. They are camping at Lake Murray, and yesterday me, my husband, my sister and her boyfriend all spent the day at the campsite. We swam to an island in the middle of the lake (which was so ridiculously hard) while my parents threw stuff in the lake for my dog to fetch. He would live in the water if he could. Later in the day we played cards and took turns riding my parents' bikes around the campground. It was a lot of fun, and it is nice to be around my family again. Tomorrow, my parents are going with us up to Greenville to visit my sis and her boyfriend where they live. My parents go home on Saturday. I wasn't that upset when they left last time because I knew I'd see them again soon enough. This time could be harder...